1
00:00:32,810 --> 00:00:38,469
The Galapagos white -flippered turtle
can live to the age of 500 years and

2
00:00:38,470 --> 00:00:43,390
can still be sexually active after 400
years.

3
00:00:44,870 --> 00:00:46,490
Sounds like Joanna Lumley.

4
00:00:50,010 --> 00:00:51,210
Dirty old bugger.

5
00:00:52,170 --> 00:00:53,890
Have we got the right end?

6
00:00:55,570 --> 00:01:01,409
You know, when she did stick out her
head for dindids, she looked a bit like

7
00:01:01,410 --> 00:01:02,460
you.

8
00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:07,930
About time.

9
00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:10,300
Our shift finished two hours ago.

10
00:01:10,560 --> 00:01:13,690
There's a lot of journalists out there.
They all want the story.

11
00:01:14,040 --> 00:01:17,110
Yeah, well, we waited half a day,
babysitting a crash helmet.

12
00:01:17,111 --> 00:01:17,879
How's she been?

13
00:01:17,880 --> 00:01:21,679
Oh, fine. She made a mad dash for the
door, but we managed to wrestle her to

14
00:01:21,680 --> 00:01:22,730
ground.

15
00:01:22,740 --> 00:01:25,150
She's proud to be a copper for once,
doesn't it?

16
00:01:26,660 --> 00:01:27,710
I'm filling up.

17
00:01:28,080 --> 00:01:29,130
Just a minute.

18
00:01:29,370 --> 00:01:33,189
There are only three of these left in
the whole world. If we hadn't

19
00:01:33,190 --> 00:01:36,740
that illegal shipment, the entire
species might have become extinct.

20
00:01:36,910 --> 00:01:40,150
A lot of men spent a lot of hours saving
this little beauty.

21
00:01:40,750 --> 00:01:46,309
If I may say so, sir, in entertainment
value alone, she earns her place in the

22
00:01:46,310 --> 00:01:48,480
great tapestry that is the animal
kingdom.

23
00:01:49,570 --> 00:01:50,620
Can we go now?

24
00:01:50,621 --> 00:01:54,329
The head keeper of London Zoo will be
here any moment.

25
00:01:54,330 --> 00:01:55,950
I've laid on a motorcycle escort.

26
00:01:56,350 --> 00:01:57,400
What's the hurry?

27
00:01:57,490 --> 00:01:58,540
She's due a feed.

28
00:01:59,060 --> 00:02:03,619
Apparently, she's a very delicate
creature with a very special diet. If

29
00:02:03,620 --> 00:02:08,519
anything other than java shoots and a
special sort of seaweed, she'll

30
00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:09,570
die.

31
00:02:11,940 --> 00:02:12,990
Yeah,

32
00:02:13,240 --> 00:02:16,250
it's all to do with her specially
evolved digestive system.

33
00:02:16,360 --> 00:02:21,320
What, like, um... I'm going to be
interviewed on Newsround.

34
00:02:23,160 --> 00:02:24,560
Saviour of the environment.

35
00:02:31,350 --> 00:02:32,450
Sir, we'll be off.

36
00:02:33,870 --> 00:02:36,280
Aren't you stopping for the press
conference?

37
00:02:37,090 --> 00:02:41,050
We'll just make tracks. We don't want to
steal all the limelight.

38
00:02:42,230 --> 00:02:44,750
It's your day, sir. You take all the
glory.

39
00:02:57,960 --> 00:03:01,959
It just said, warning, small children
can choke on peanuts. Nothing about

40
00:03:01,960 --> 00:03:03,580
turtles. But it wouldn't hurt.

41
00:03:04,300 --> 00:03:07,980
One peanut wouldn't hurt her. It wasn't
one peanut. It was a handful.

42
00:03:08,840 --> 00:03:11,920
And you gave her some of your Kit Kat.
She loved the Kit Kat.

43
00:03:11,921 --> 00:03:14,999
Well, you would, wouldn't you, after 500
years of seaweed?

44
00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:18,840
Maybe she's not dead. I mean, she didn't
roll over and go, ah, or anything.

45
00:03:19,080 --> 00:03:21,220
We are just going to have to face facts.

46
00:03:21,500 --> 00:03:24,580
We have created the world's biggest
ashtray.

47
00:03:25,940 --> 00:03:27,460
We've got to get out of here.

48
00:03:29,390 --> 00:03:31,070
We can't run away and hide, can we?

49
00:03:31,530 --> 00:03:32,790
No, you're right.

50
00:03:33,430 --> 00:03:34,490
We need a what's -it.

51
00:03:35,090 --> 00:03:36,330
A raison d 'art.

52
00:03:38,121 --> 00:03:40,189
Got it.

53
00:03:40,190 --> 00:03:43,750
I know. Let's go and see Pete the
pusher. Oh, brilliant.

54
00:03:48,350 --> 00:03:50,710
Peter, look at this.

55
00:03:51,870 --> 00:03:54,150
Pure, unadulterated.

56
00:03:54,700 --> 00:03:56,600
100 % Colombian cocaine.

57
00:03:57,080 --> 00:03:59,910
You don't need all this fancy equipment
to tell you that.

58
00:04:00,620 --> 00:04:03,150
Extracted from the rectum of a Peruvian
smuggler.

59
00:04:06,780 --> 00:04:11,439
So, what do I owe this rare pleasure? If
C Division are trying another party, my

60
00:04:11,440 --> 00:04:15,100
purple hearts are not for sale. Not
after last time. We need a favour.

61
00:04:15,980 --> 00:04:18,930
We've just got to get away for a few
days, as far as possible.

62
00:04:18,940 --> 00:04:20,020
Try something to this.

63
00:04:20,180 --> 00:04:22,230
To be sent on a journey through the
stars.

64
00:04:22,590 --> 00:04:26,289
and land on Uranus. Come on, Pete, you
must have something. The drug squad

65
00:04:26,290 --> 00:04:28,880
always need a help. I'm a sudden desire
to be helpful.

66
00:04:28,881 --> 00:04:31,049
I've just got to get out of the office
for a couple of days.

67
00:04:31,050 --> 00:04:32,100
Try the vice squad.

68
00:04:32,390 --> 00:04:36,410
No, we're barred from the vice squad.
Oh, yes, the Bishop of Durham incident.

69
00:04:37,390 --> 00:04:39,070
That wasn't our fault.

70
00:04:41,190 --> 00:04:45,430
Look, just give us a routine follow -up
or a search, anything.

71
00:04:45,650 --> 00:04:47,880
So what exactly have you two done this
time?

72
00:04:47,881 --> 00:04:49,469
Nothing, nothing.

73
00:04:49,470 --> 00:04:50,930
Come on, right in my day.

74
00:04:51,470 --> 00:04:53,020
Honestly. Nothing.

75
00:04:53,720 --> 00:04:56,440
Well, if you don't tell me, I'm afraid I
can't help you.

76
00:04:58,360 --> 00:05:00,440
OK, all right, you really must know.

77
00:05:02,540 --> 00:05:04,500
I just killed a rare giant turtle.

78
00:05:05,460 --> 00:05:06,510
With some nuts.

79
00:05:10,080 --> 00:05:11,130
And a Kit Kat.

80
00:05:11,840 --> 00:05:17,140
You know, with you two around, there's
no need for all of this stuff.

81
00:05:17,880 --> 00:05:19,500
Come on, Pete, what have you got?

82
00:05:19,780 --> 00:05:20,830
Let's take a look.

83
00:05:21,859 --> 00:05:23,960
This, uh, turtle you murdered.

84
00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:27,980
Shh! Oh, come now. You can't keep
secrets in this place.

85
00:05:28,460 --> 00:05:30,320
OK, let's have a look. What have we got?

86
00:05:30,480 --> 00:05:33,280
Uh, ah. Do either of you two speak
Spanish?

87
00:05:33,820 --> 00:05:34,870
Un petit peu.

88
00:05:36,580 --> 00:05:37,630
There we go.

89
00:05:38,340 --> 00:05:42,279
Good. We need a couple of men to
infiltrate a heavily armed and ruthless

90
00:05:42,280 --> 00:05:44,520
Colombian drugs cartel in East London.

91
00:05:45,420 --> 00:05:46,470
Spanish!

92
00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:48,440
Thought you said Italian.

93
00:05:49,340 --> 00:05:51,280
OK. What about this?

94
00:05:51,770 --> 00:05:54,790
Two officers needed to help out with
Operation Snow White.

95
00:05:55,230 --> 00:05:56,610
Sounds all right. What is it?

96
00:05:57,170 --> 00:06:00,420
Investigating the manufacturer of a new
drug called Snow White.

97
00:06:00,490 --> 00:06:03,730
When you snort it, it makes you sneezy.
Then you're happy.

98
00:06:04,170 --> 00:06:07,989
Then you get dopey and sleepy. And then
you get so grumpy you have to be the

99
00:06:07,990 --> 00:06:12,109
doctor. It takes ages to get these
nodes, you know. Yeah, yeah. Put us down

100
00:06:12,110 --> 00:06:15,300
that one. Let's start right away. OK.
Sign for it. Make it efficient.

101
00:06:15,470 --> 00:06:16,520
Hang on a sec.

102
00:06:16,581 --> 00:06:18,629
What's this one?

103
00:06:18,630 --> 00:06:19,680
What one?

104
00:06:22,090 --> 00:06:23,830
Operation Naughty Schoolgirl.

105
00:06:23,831 --> 00:06:25,309
I'm dealing with that one.

106
00:06:25,310 --> 00:06:29,770
A kit of marijuana found in the
dormitory of Hayden Public School for

107
00:06:30,030 --> 00:06:31,090
Get that back, Louis.

108
00:06:31,730 --> 00:06:32,870
That'll do for us, Dave.

109
00:06:32,871 --> 00:06:36,809
No, no, no. It's out of the question.
Peter, Peter, Peter. I think you should

110
00:06:36,810 --> 00:06:37,860
let us do this one.

111
00:06:38,210 --> 00:06:43,869
Otherwise, we will tell the Chief Super
how much work you have been taking home

112
00:06:43,870 --> 00:06:44,920
in the evenings.

113
00:06:45,290 --> 00:06:46,340
As you say, Peter.

114
00:06:46,470 --> 00:06:48,150
You can't keep secrets round here.

115
00:06:50,570 --> 00:06:53,230
By the way, you forgot basketball.

116
00:06:56,250 --> 00:07:00,550
You see, Bob, every cloud has a silver
lining.

117
00:07:01,890 --> 00:07:06,010
All that stuff about peanuts killing
turtles. My wife's tale.

118
00:07:06,490 --> 00:07:07,540
Urban myth.

119
00:07:07,541 --> 00:07:11,489
I bet you right now that turtle swimming
around in some fish tank, picking his

120
00:07:11,490 --> 00:07:15,230
little legs, thinking, Mmm, that Kit Kat
was lovely.

121
00:07:16,270 --> 00:07:17,350
Changed into seaweed.

122
00:07:17,351 --> 00:07:18,389
Smell, Bob.

123
00:07:18,390 --> 00:07:20,010
Smell. I mean...

124
00:07:20,280 --> 00:07:22,450
How do they know? How do they know?
Exactly.

125
00:07:22,520 --> 00:07:26,130
Has Jacques Cousteau done special tests
with nuts and Kit Kats, has he?

126
00:07:26,640 --> 00:07:31,059
I somehow doubt it. The only reason that
turtles only eat seaweed is because

127
00:07:31,060 --> 00:07:34,619
there is nothing else to eat. There is
nothing else. They can't nip to the

128
00:07:34,620 --> 00:07:36,730
and buy a Kit Kat. That would be
ridiculous.

129
00:07:37,760 --> 00:07:42,879
And besides, we have enough problems
opening a Kit Kat. How will a turtle

130
00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:43,930
it? Yes.

131
00:07:44,020 --> 00:07:45,070
Yes.

132
00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:47,970
Yeah, I reckon we're in the clear. Off
like a dirty shirt.

133
00:07:47,971 --> 00:07:51,259
Anyway, if that turtle had died, we
wouldn't have heard by now.

134
00:07:51,260 --> 00:07:53,440
Myrtle the turtle has died.

135
00:07:54,300 --> 00:07:59,419
The turtle, which was discovered in a
crate at Heathrow Airport, died suddenly

136
00:07:59,420 --> 00:08:03,399
on the way to London Zoo, where she was
to be prepared for shipment back to the

137
00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:04,450
Galapagos Islands.

138
00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:08,839
The animal, which had quickly become a
symbol of conservation to the nation's

139
00:08:08,840 --> 00:08:12,380
children, will undergo a post -mortem
examination later today.

140
00:08:36,270 --> 00:08:41,289
You know, Bob, this is the sort of
assignment I've always dreamed of.

141
00:08:41,590 --> 00:08:44,810
An assignment that comes once in a
lifetime.

142
00:08:45,930 --> 00:08:50,110
We are about to interview dozens of
young girls in school uniform.

143
00:08:51,790 --> 00:08:56,890
So why is it that when I close my eyes,
all I can see is turtles?

144
00:08:57,310 --> 00:09:00,110
Stop torturing us. You're doing it on
tortoise purpose.

145
00:09:00,590 --> 00:09:01,710
It's just a turtle.

146
00:09:02,890 --> 00:09:04,530
But we cut her down in a prime.

147
00:09:04,730 --> 00:09:06,430
She was only 357.

148
00:09:08,090 --> 00:09:10,110
She had her whole life ahead of her.

149
00:09:17,951 --> 00:09:20,449
What's the matter with you?

150
00:09:20,450 --> 00:09:22,710
We just had Banford Circle's death.

151
00:09:33,360 --> 00:09:37,440
I heard on the news that there were
still two turtles left, both male.

152
00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:42,359
Like me and you swimming around in the
Indian Ocean saying, don't fancy yours

153
00:09:42,360 --> 00:09:43,410
much.

154
00:09:43,440 --> 00:09:45,360
Can't even have a decent game of bridge.

155
00:09:45,840 --> 00:09:51,199
No, no. It's said on that leaflet that
these turtles are sexually active for

156
00:09:51,200 --> 00:09:52,620
years. So?

157
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:58,059
So, in 400 years' time, some space
scientist can perform a sex change

158
00:09:58,060 --> 00:10:01,100
on one of the turtles and, well, problem
solved.

159
00:10:04,840 --> 00:10:09,339
If you are standing there, imagining
some bloke in a spacesuit removing a

160
00:10:09,340 --> 00:10:12,780
turtle's penis, then you are living on
cloud cuckoo life.

161
00:10:13,380 --> 00:10:15,910
Hello? Briggs and Louis. We're from the
drug squad.

162
00:10:17,640 --> 00:10:18,690
Evidently.

163
00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:21,210
Come in.

164
00:10:21,800 --> 00:10:23,000
Superintendent Cotton.

165
00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:24,570
Found anything?

166
00:10:24,571 --> 00:10:25,519
Have a look.

167
00:10:25,520 --> 00:10:27,870
I wasn't expecting to find anything like
this.

168
00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:31,940
This way, gentlemen.

169
00:10:32,880 --> 00:10:36,419
We have quite a liberal regime here.
There are only two things we don't

170
00:10:36,420 --> 00:10:38,920
tolerate. Drugs and cruelty to animals.

171
00:10:42,620 --> 00:10:44,500
This is where we found the package.

172
00:10:45,280 --> 00:10:47,390
Camilla claims she knew nothing about
it.

173
00:10:47,391 --> 00:10:48,579
Where is she?

174
00:10:48,580 --> 00:10:49,630
In art class.

175
00:10:49,631 --> 00:10:50,899
Should I go and fetch her?

176
00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:51,879
Oh, yeah.

177
00:10:51,880 --> 00:10:54,420
She's always been such a diligent girl.

178
00:10:56,020 --> 00:10:59,260
We all think it couldn't happen to our
own daughter, don't we?

179
00:10:59,480 --> 00:11:00,640
Do you have daughters?

180
00:11:01,040 --> 00:11:03,420
No. I never miss live and kicking.

181
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:11,380
God, a long way from Lancaster Road
County Primary, this, isn't it?

182
00:11:11,620 --> 00:11:15,639
Oh, yeah. The nearest I got to home
comforts at my school was a cuddle from

183
00:11:15,640 --> 00:11:16,690
knit nurse.

184
00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:19,140
Look at this. A telly.

185
00:11:20,440 --> 00:11:23,920
The turtles were once common in the
coastal waters of Argentina.

186
00:11:24,500 --> 00:11:28,839
Now, with the death of Myrtle, the
entire species looks set to be wiped off

187
00:11:28,840 --> 00:11:29,890
face of the planet.

188
00:11:32,780 --> 00:11:34,540
All this fuss about a turtle.

189
00:11:34,541 --> 00:11:38,739
If it had been an old -age pensioner,
nobody would have batted an aisle.

190
00:11:38,740 --> 00:11:41,779
If it had been an old -age pensioner,
she wouldn't have choked on a bit of Kit

191
00:11:41,780 --> 00:11:42,830
Kat.

192
00:11:43,920 --> 00:11:45,660
Are you real policemen?

193
00:11:46,620 --> 00:11:48,220
They don't come realer than us.

194
00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:50,600
You're not very sexy.

195
00:11:53,560 --> 00:11:55,240
Clear off. Go and do some colouring.

196
00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:57,340
You're older than my dad.

197
00:11:57,600 --> 00:11:59,420
You're older than our gardener.

198
00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:00,870
Clear off.

199
00:12:01,050 --> 00:12:03,520
Well, they weren't very impressive, were
they?

200
00:12:05,490 --> 00:12:08,050
Girls of that age talking about sex?

201
00:12:09,090 --> 00:12:12,550
Do you know, I was 17 before I had my
hands inside my first bra.

202
00:12:13,210 --> 00:12:15,380
And then it was hanging from a washing
line.

203
00:12:16,190 --> 00:12:18,110
My mum told me it was a jelly mould.

204
00:12:18,490 --> 00:12:20,270
This is Camilla.

205
00:12:20,910 --> 00:12:21,960
Mmm!

206
00:12:22,450 --> 00:12:24,590
All the classic tell -tale signs.

207
00:12:25,050 --> 00:12:26,100
Dalated pupils?

208
00:12:26,590 --> 00:12:28,170
I happen to have been crying.

209
00:12:28,550 --> 00:12:30,410
Probably going through a cold turtle.

210
00:12:30,780 --> 00:12:33,700
Turkey. That's fine, because I just saw
the news.

211
00:12:34,640 --> 00:12:35,780
My clover.

212
00:12:36,700 --> 00:12:38,900
Yes, yes, yes, yes. All right.

213
00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:41,310
Turtles die.

214
00:12:41,500 --> 00:12:42,550
Facts are life.

215
00:12:43,120 --> 00:12:44,560
Death has to come to everyone.

216
00:12:45,100 --> 00:12:46,420
Except Barbara Cartland.

217
00:12:48,080 --> 00:12:49,560
Should I leave you to it?

218
00:12:50,020 --> 00:12:51,070
Yeah, best dad.

219
00:12:52,500 --> 00:12:55,420
So, Camilla, what about this marijuana?

220
00:12:56,060 --> 00:12:57,110
It's a plant.

221
00:12:57,800 --> 00:12:59,160
Yes, we know it's a plant.

222
00:12:59,420 --> 00:13:00,560
of drug squad officers.

223
00:13:00,900 --> 00:13:02,880
It's green and spindly like a potato.

224
00:13:03,580 --> 00:13:05,440
No, it's more like a tomato, actually.

225
00:13:05,820 --> 00:13:07,960
No, I mean it was planted in my room.

226
00:13:08,520 --> 00:13:10,800
Oh, God, God, God.

227
00:13:11,100 --> 00:13:16,239
Surely you don't expect two seasoned,
hardened drug squad coppers to

228
00:13:16,240 --> 00:13:17,290
I don't take drugs.

229
00:13:17,340 --> 00:13:18,920
I've never taken drugs.

230
00:13:19,400 --> 00:13:22,020
I'm the only girl in the sixth form who
doesn't.

231
00:13:22,940 --> 00:13:27,459
Don't you see? That's the reason why
they put the stuff in my room. Because I

232
00:13:27,460 --> 00:13:28,920
threatened to report them.

233
00:13:51,760 --> 00:13:53,320
What did the policeman call it?

234
00:13:53,440 --> 00:13:58,779
When somebody makes out that somebody
did something when they didn't do it at

235
00:13:58,780 --> 00:13:59,830
all.

236
00:14:01,820 --> 00:14:02,870
Pretty pickle.

237
00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:08,360
A frame -up. It's a frame -up. No, no,
no, no.

238
00:14:08,860 --> 00:14:13,839
What is a sweet, innocent little girl
like you doing using a word like frame

239
00:14:13,840 --> 00:14:15,240
-up? It's the truth.

240
00:14:15,860 --> 00:14:17,940
What is it we kid the day, Dave?

241
00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:22,299
When I was your age, I was riding round
on me bike with a jam jar full of

242
00:14:22,300 --> 00:14:23,660
tadpoles down me shorts.

243
00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:28,240
This isn't a jelly mould to you anymore,
is it, my dear?

244
00:14:32,920 --> 00:14:37,839
If you really want to know about drugs
in this school, you should go and see

245
00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:39,460
Hawthorne. Who?

246
00:14:40,720 --> 00:14:42,720
Mr Hawthorne, the art teacher.

247
00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:46,270
Except he likes us to call him Ben
because he's so trendy.

248
00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:49,400
Oh, stupid. Stupid girls here fancy him.

249
00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:52,360
Ah. The eternal love triangle.

250
00:14:52,740 --> 00:14:53,960
Who fancies him?

251
00:14:54,900 --> 00:14:57,020
There's Katie and Tatiana.

252
00:14:57,440 --> 00:14:58,820
The eternal love rectangle.

253
00:14:59,300 --> 00:15:00,800
And Claire and Sarah.

254
00:15:01,460 --> 00:15:02,510
The love pentagon.

255
00:15:03,220 --> 00:15:04,270
That's five.

256
00:15:04,460 --> 00:15:09,540
And Joe and Elaine and Nicky. One more.
We've got a dodecahedron.

257
00:15:10,820 --> 00:15:13,740
It's a rhombus of some kind. Not
important.

258
00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:16,440
It's Mr Hawthorne.

259
00:15:16,670 --> 00:15:17,720
Go and talk to him.

260
00:15:17,990 --> 00:15:21,030
Ask him about his parties after lights
out.

261
00:15:22,010 --> 00:15:26,470
Come on, bub. I think it's time the old
Bill and Ben had a bit of a chat.

262
00:15:30,770 --> 00:15:34,320
Have you any idea how embarrassing this
is going to be when he gets out?

263
00:15:34,350 --> 00:15:36,030
I wouldn't like to be in your shoes.

264
00:15:37,170 --> 00:15:39,340
My division's going to be a laughing
stock.

265
00:15:39,950 --> 00:15:42,840
I'm being interviewed with Anita Roddick
in ten minutes.

266
00:15:43,190 --> 00:15:44,470
What am I going to say?

267
00:15:46,440 --> 00:15:47,820
That's not my waist, George.

268
00:15:47,860 --> 00:15:49,840
Aye, old floppy hair and inky fingers.

269
00:15:50,120 --> 00:15:52,040
Come upstairs and see me potato prince.

270
00:15:52,320 --> 00:15:56,259
It's always the art teacher, isn't it?
Never the pervert who fires up the

271
00:15:56,260 --> 00:15:57,310
boiler.

272
00:16:00,740 --> 00:16:04,220
Oh, I'm sorry. We were looking for Mr
Hawthorne. I'm Mr Hawthorne.

273
00:16:06,860 --> 00:16:07,910
Yes.

274
00:16:08,151 --> 00:16:15,239
I'm afraid it's a bit of an occupational
hazard, young 17 -year -old girls

275
00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:16,620
throwing themselves at one.

276
00:16:17,100 --> 00:16:18,340
Oh, me heart bleed.

277
00:16:19,120 --> 00:16:23,200
How occupational hazard is skinhead
throwing petrol bombs at one?

278
00:16:24,240 --> 00:16:26,530
It's not really the only one of these
about me.

279
00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:29,590
One of them once said it was something
to do with my pipe.

280
00:16:30,460 --> 00:16:31,510
Your pipe?

281
00:16:32,180 --> 00:16:34,410
What do you do, stick it down your
trousers?

282
00:16:35,660 --> 00:16:38,840
And you say she's accused me of planting
drugs in her room?

283
00:16:39,260 --> 00:16:41,080
Yeah, something, uh, about...

284
00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:44,020
Parties after the lights out. Oh, dear.

285
00:16:44,460 --> 00:16:47,410
If only they used as much imagination in
their art classes.

286
00:16:48,920 --> 00:16:52,820
I suppose she's making up these stories
about me because I rejected her.

287
00:16:54,580 --> 00:17:01,499
You see, the fact is, girls are not
exactly my cup of tea, if

288
00:17:01,500 --> 00:17:02,550
you take my meaning.

289
00:17:03,300 --> 00:17:07,979
At this school, they tend to choose
their male staff from that small

290
00:17:07,980 --> 00:17:10,870
men who have no interest in the charms
of young womanhood.

291
00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:16,180
You mean, you're a train spotter?

292
00:17:17,940 --> 00:17:18,990
No.

293
00:17:20,380 --> 00:17:21,430
Ah.

294
00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:25,290
It's a pity you're not a white -flipped
Galapagos turtle.

295
00:17:25,660 --> 00:17:27,079
You'd have a whale of a time.

296
00:17:28,780 --> 00:17:30,720
Sorry. Doesn't matter.

297
00:17:32,680 --> 00:17:33,940
Can I borrow your pipe?

298
00:17:37,900 --> 00:17:39,200
Tatiana? Here.

299
00:17:39,820 --> 00:17:41,220
Jo? Here.

300
00:17:41,580 --> 00:17:42,630
Claire?

301
00:17:42,641 --> 00:17:44,609
And Sarah.

302
00:17:44,610 --> 00:17:45,660
Here.

303
00:17:47,170 --> 00:17:52,010
Right. Now, we want to talk to you about
Camilla.

304
00:17:55,970 --> 00:17:59,410
Camilla claims that one of you has
planted marijuana in her room.

305
00:17:59,750 --> 00:18:02,390
Oh, poor little Camilla, telling tales
again.

306
00:18:03,490 --> 00:18:10,490
She also told us some stories about Mr
Hawthorne, who, for some reason,

307
00:18:10,670 --> 00:18:12,930
all of you have a crush on.

308
00:18:18,320 --> 00:18:20,080
of many years standing.

309
00:18:20,840 --> 00:18:27,119
A mature man who still has the spark of
joie de vivre

310
00:18:27,120 --> 00:18:30,340
and youthful rebellion in his blood.

311
00:18:45,320 --> 00:18:47,360
Dave, what are you doing?

312
00:18:47,361 --> 00:18:49,039
Investigating a case, Bob?

313
00:18:49,040 --> 00:18:50,840
No, a thing in your mouth.

314
00:18:50,841 --> 00:18:52,479
I've been smoking one of these for
years.

315
00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:57,559
Now, where were we? We need to know if
there's any truth in the rumours of wild

316
00:18:57,560 --> 00:19:00,980
parties and widespread... Well,

317
00:19:09,840 --> 00:19:11,320
that went well, Sherlock.

318
00:19:11,321 --> 00:19:16,039
You're right, you're odd enough to be
those girls' father.

319
00:19:16,040 --> 00:19:18,990
Nothing wrong with a spring and autumn
relationship, Bob.

320
00:19:19,080 --> 00:19:21,020
Autumn, Dave, you're boxing day.

321
00:19:21,580 --> 00:19:23,220
Hungover, short and boring.

322
00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:28,970
Come.

323
00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:33,320
Ah, what news?

324
00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:35,160
Camilla says she was framed.

325
00:19:35,580 --> 00:19:39,900
But we've spoken to the girls in the art
room and there's no evidence.

326
00:19:40,940 --> 00:19:43,060
Apart from a burn on the parquet floor.

327
00:19:43,820 --> 00:19:47,400
Then I suppose I have no choice other
than to expel her.

328
00:19:48,860 --> 00:19:51,220
Well, couldn't you just give her some
lines?

329
00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:55,919
In cases involving drugs, I would have
thought that giving lines was a rather

330
00:19:55,920 --> 00:19:57,180
unfortunate suggestion.

331
00:19:59,680 --> 00:20:02,780
I suppose you two can head back to
London.

332
00:20:03,780 --> 00:20:05,800
Er, not yet, no.

333
00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:07,050
Why not?

334
00:20:07,740 --> 00:20:09,620
Things to do. What things?

335
00:20:10,090 --> 00:20:14,350
All complicated police things. They take
quite a time.

336
00:20:14,351 --> 00:20:18,089
Yeah, what he's trying to say is one or
two little things that need, you know,

337
00:20:18,090 --> 00:20:19,150
tidying up.

338
00:20:20,210 --> 00:20:25,729
Like burns on the parquet floor. And as
they told us at police college, a case

339
00:20:25,730 --> 00:20:27,930
isn't closed until the fat lady sings.

340
00:20:48,720 --> 00:20:51,550
Have a little get -together tonight at
around midnight.

341
00:20:51,760 --> 00:20:54,100
Put the word around, will you? Yes,
then.

342
00:20:54,500 --> 00:20:55,550
We'll be there.

343
00:20:55,980 --> 00:20:58,090
I wonder what the super's doing right
now.

344
00:20:58,440 --> 00:21:00,300
He's probably on the six o 'clock news.

345
00:21:01,060 --> 00:21:02,560
Looked probably famous by now.

346
00:21:03,180 --> 00:21:05,220
PC Peanut and the Kit Kat Kid.

347
00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:11,020
You and I have done some pretty stupid
things in our time.

348
00:21:12,680 --> 00:21:15,820
I don't think we've rid the world of an
entire life form before.

349
00:21:17,230 --> 00:21:19,050
I once killed a hedgehog in me car.

350
00:21:21,470 --> 00:21:22,970
What was you doing in your car?

351
00:21:25,150 --> 00:21:29,610
Well, these things can't get any worse,
can they?

352
00:21:42,871 --> 00:21:50,359
What's happening? When? Where? I'm
meeting him tonight, around midnight, in

353
00:21:50,360 --> 00:21:52,770
gym. Excellent. All right, I'll see you
later. Bye.

354
00:22:03,060 --> 00:22:04,140
Smoking at their age.

355
00:22:05,120 --> 00:22:06,540
You smoked at their age?

356
00:22:07,220 --> 00:22:08,270
That was different.

357
00:22:08,660 --> 00:22:10,220
Wasn't bad for you in those days.

358
00:22:10,800 --> 00:22:15,179
I remember for my 14th birthday, I got
200 capstan full strength, a radioactive

359
00:22:15,180 --> 00:22:17,170
watch and a mouth organ made out of
lead.

360
00:22:19,460 --> 00:22:20,660
Started to roll around.

361
00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:29,580
By the look of the lipstick, I'd say
that's Tatiana's.

362
00:22:30,620 --> 00:22:34,100
And that's definitely Claire.

363
00:22:35,100 --> 00:22:39,640
And this one, I'd say that's Joe.

364
00:22:54,160 --> 00:22:56,260
They'll all be in here around 12.

365
00:22:57,900 --> 00:23:01,360
Hey, Dave, remember the Duke of
Edinburgh's award scheme?

366
00:23:02,720 --> 00:23:06,690
It should be called the Prince Charles
Award Scheme. You don't vault the horse,

367
00:23:06,820 --> 00:23:09,170
you leave your wife and have an affair
with one.

368
00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:17,640
The bells, the bells.

369
00:23:19,720 --> 00:23:21,220
It's a copper's hunch.

370
00:23:25,651 --> 00:23:27,559
Well, what?

371
00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:29,760
Well, what are you going to do about it?

372
00:23:30,360 --> 00:23:35,339
Young lady, as drug squad officers of
many years standing, I think you can

373
00:23:35,340 --> 00:23:37,740
depend on us to do what's best.

374
00:23:39,240 --> 00:23:46,079
When the moment comes, we will spring
into action like a... Like a

375
00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:47,920
gazelle? A panther?

376
00:23:48,280 --> 00:23:49,460
A dead turtle?

377
00:23:51,120 --> 00:23:52,520
Get me down, would you, Bob?

378
00:23:52,860 --> 00:23:54,840
Well, if you will play Sally Gunnell.

379
00:23:57,710 --> 00:23:59,450
Seriously, mate, if you could.

380
00:23:59,670 --> 00:24:01,110
What a little handy -wandy.

381
00:24:03,970 --> 00:24:09,530
I think maybe I should stay.

382
00:24:11,550 --> 00:24:12,770
I've got an idea.

383
00:24:15,650 --> 00:24:16,700
Come in.

384
00:24:18,490 --> 00:24:22,529
Sorry to bother you, I'm Superintendent
Cotton. I was told DC's Briggs and Louis

385
00:24:22,530 --> 00:24:23,329
were here.

386
00:24:23,330 --> 00:24:25,620
What? I know they're in the ground
somewhere.

387
00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:27,520
They said they had some loose ends.

388
00:24:28,080 --> 00:24:31,090
Do you want me to go and look for them?
I'm sure I'll find them.

389
00:24:31,120 --> 00:24:33,470
I have a little surprise here for them,
you see.

390
00:24:39,380 --> 00:24:40,430
Where is he?

391
00:24:41,120 --> 00:24:44,420
He'll be here. I hate this place. It
gives me the creeps.

392
00:24:45,080 --> 00:24:47,000
I just feel like someone's watching me.

393
00:24:47,180 --> 00:24:48,230
Hello, girls.

394
00:24:48,520 --> 00:24:51,890
Look, I've just heard there's another
policeman sniffing around.

395
00:25:03,139 --> 00:25:09,520
Who are you?

396
00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:10,890
You haven't seen...

397
00:25:27,689 --> 00:25:31,299
Here. How did Richard Attenborough
escape from coldage in one of these?

398
00:25:37,190 --> 00:25:39,550
Now isn't this pleasant?

399
00:25:40,930 --> 00:25:41,980
Relaxing, by the way.

400
00:25:44,050 --> 00:25:45,100
Hurry up, Ben.

401
00:25:47,250 --> 00:25:48,390
We've got to be quick.

402
00:25:50,670 --> 00:25:51,720
Back.

403
00:25:52,170 --> 00:25:53,220
We have to go back.

404
00:25:53,630 --> 00:25:55,390
We have to go up the sideway.

405
00:25:56,730 --> 00:25:58,720
This is what God of the Daleks, you
know.

406
00:26:08,650 --> 00:26:14,470
Excuse me.

407
00:26:15,790 --> 00:26:18,500
You haven't seen my two detectives
around, have you?

408
00:26:19,690 --> 00:26:20,770
I'm afraid we haven't.

409
00:26:21,230 --> 00:26:22,280
Right.

410
00:26:25,580 --> 00:26:26,630
I know that smell.

411
00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:30,859
Yes, well, I think that's the evening's
lesson over with, girls. That's

412
00:26:30,860 --> 00:26:31,910
marijuana.

413
00:27:04,740 --> 00:27:06,480
Camilla, you should be happy.

414
00:27:07,140 --> 00:27:08,320
You're in the clear.

415
00:27:09,280 --> 00:27:11,240
I don't care about that.

416
00:27:12,180 --> 00:27:14,440
I'm crying for poor Myrtle.

417
00:27:14,980 --> 00:27:17,390
You really shouldn't upset yourself,
Camilla.

418
00:27:17,520 --> 00:27:21,190
We found out it isn't really a white
-flipped Galapagos turtle after all.

419
00:27:21,191 --> 00:27:25,079
The smugglers just took an ordinary
turtle and painted its flippers white to

420
00:27:25,080 --> 00:27:26,130
increase the value.

421
00:27:26,500 --> 00:27:27,580
That's why I came here.

422
00:27:28,340 --> 00:27:29,880
To tell these two the good news.

423
00:27:30,760 --> 00:27:35,500
She was still a beautiful living
creature and someone killed her.

424
00:27:36,420 --> 00:27:38,280
Oh, come, Camilla.

425
00:27:38,780 --> 00:27:41,000
Think of the good that's come of it.

426
00:27:41,860 --> 00:27:44,200
After all, we're rid of Mr Hawthorne.

427
00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:45,450
Oh.

428
00:27:46,220 --> 00:27:48,340
How did she die, Superintendent?

429
00:27:49,680 --> 00:27:52,200
Was she suffocated in the crate?

430
00:27:53,600 --> 00:27:55,060
No, no, no.

431
00:27:55,960 --> 00:27:57,780
Did she starve to death?

432
00:27:58,560 --> 00:27:59,720
No, she was fed.

433
00:28:01,459 --> 00:28:02,720
What then?

434
00:28:05,080 --> 00:28:06,240
Heart attack.

435
00:28:07,240 --> 00:28:08,820
Poor thing.

436
00:28:09,920 --> 00:28:11,180
Kit Kat.

437
00:28:11,230 --> 00:28:15,780
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